Torremolinos Tale

January 21, 2007

Remember I mentioned the Spanish Pensioners? Odd little people really, have you ever seen them ? They forego the all-inclusive bracelets beloved of us Brits, preferring instead to occupy every chair in the room but not buy a drink. They tend to pull all the chairs to the front as the hour of the cabaret approaches.

I always look forward to Paul’s mum, Val, having a go! She never lets me down, she is always ready with a “Look at ’em all, they take up all the chairs and never buy a drink!!” 🙂 She’s right too!

TorremolinosJan2k7 008
Originally uploaded by Andy2Boyz.

Quite an odd sight as all the tables are left alone around the room, remember, these people have no need of anything to put drinks on 🙂 See how they sit in lines as close to the stage as possible, almost like a meeting in a village hall 🙂

Its all taken worrying seriously, especially when you consider they are all so desperate to see the same old shows years after year. Captain Stefan on Accordion, a troupe of ropey Flamenco dancers, a slightly grubby looking Magician, the Parrot show and of course Siegfried and Roy. No sorry, I made up that last bit, its just ballroom dancing after the Bingo!

The other thing is how the old ladies all move in gangs around the hotel, crowding themselves into lifts and generally taking over the place. The knock all us “polite” brits out of the way, if we are queuing they just barge in. Best laugh though when an old lady tried to take over the toaster machine I had my bread in. How rude! Except she was putting it on the conveyor belt the wrong end, she kept shoving it back in, the conveyor delivered it back to her. I kept saying “wrong end” and pointing to the other side, she kept smiling, as if to say “I know what I’m doing, stop trying to hog the machine!” She only realised her error when my toast, having made its slow transit through the machine, emerged and started pushing hers out the way. hehe I had to chuckle as she picked up her bread and walked around me to the other end of the toaster.

In The Pink

January 20, 2007

Allow me, if you will, to take you on a journey to the Flamingo Hotel, Torremolinos……..

Picture this, we are in the bar at the hotel, the 5 of us a little worse for wear, its the second day and we have definitely found our feet with the all-inclusive drink, if you see what I mean.

The “Bar Salon” itself is chock-a-block with Spanish pensioners. In fact that’s a whole other post on its own, keep an eye out for that one!

The upshot is that our gang are sat at the back in a little offshoot-annexe, immediately behind the bar.

I’ve already noticed the couple at the bar, a guy and (I presume) his wife, both appear to be mid 30’s. They’ve caught my eye twice already. Firstly, as I silently berated her for her choice of a large green flowing number to cover her “plus size” frame. Secondly, when I noticed them look in our direction and then put their heads together in conspiratorial fashion.

A few minutes later the guy approached our group and homed in on me.

He said, “Hey mate, wearing pink is not a good idea here, I’ve heard Torremolinos is the top Gay place in Spain.”

Cue tumbleweeds, I mean complete silence and few bemused looks. After what seemed like ages, my Brother finally broke the silence with “That’s good to know mate.” Not the reaction he expected, I’m guessing, and so, wearing a look of bewilderment he retreated back to the bar.

Ever the considerate and protective Brother, Billy said “If he comes an’ says aught else about puffs, I’ll deck ‘im!” Bless!

I felt a bit sorry for him after that, only for a minute though. He was probably just looking for some pals for him and wifey to hang out with. I suppose a table with 4 blokes and a girl looked like a safe place to start.

The guy was last seen back at the bar consulting with wifey. “What did I say?” he was probably asking. Wifey should have been able to spare him the pain, she was after all, a “lady with nice nails” and ought to have been able to spot a couple of Gayers from that distance. Perhaps he’d upset her earlier and this was her revenge!

A Wicked Pleasure

January 19, 2007

In an effort to stick closely to the original staging of the material, Kevin Spacey is producing an all-male cast production of Shakespeare at the Old Vic.

I want to say how much I was not surprised to hear this news.

I fear libel. This guy doesn’t

Just Checking In

January 15, 2007

Oh, the wonders of the net :smile: 


Here I am in Spain, checking the Bank account and stuff.

Anyway, back to the holiday

Bye xx

Torremolinos baby!

January 12, 2007

Yay, only 2 more sleeps until its time for our holiday in Torremolinos, a trip that was revealed exclusivley here.

I’m so ready for it. We’ve only been back at work for a week and a half and I’m feeling so drained. I’m coming home from work and having to have a snooze, you know that feeling when your brain just starts shutting down and you slip away whether you like it or not?

So a few more details, we are going Sunday to Thursday, BMI Baby rather than our usual Easyjet. The last couple of times in Torremolinos we have stayed at the Griego Mar and we will do again when we go in March. However, they dont open this early in the season so we are returning to the Flamingo, the first hotel we ever stayed in in this resort. The main drawback with this hotel isthe outside space isnt up to much, though in January this should be too much of a problem.

On the plus side it’s much closer to the train station, only 2 or 3 minutes walk. I love that the trip from Malaga airport is so easy. If only we had it so good from Doncaster or East Midlands. You get off the plane in Malaga, walk out of arrivals and across the road to the train platform, stick 1 and a bit euro into the ticket machine and you’re off. 10 minutes later you get off in Torremolinos, though you could stay on to Benalmadena or Fuenegirola. The Torremolinos station is actually underground and very central, located under the main square, so once you’re up the steps its a short walk across the road to the Flamingo.

Did I mention we are going all inclusive? hehe, oh yeah, gotta love the all-inc!!

Funny, it just occurred to me as I was writing, that this will be the first time I’ve been on holiday with my brother since, well, I’m not sure I can remember. I’ll have to ask him but I think it might have been a family holiday in Newquay circa 1987. That is probably the starting point for a different post, but not one I want to write at the moment. For one reason and another we have not been so close over the last decade or so. Luckily, over the last 2-3 years we have been building our relationship and are now closer than we have ever been.   


January 12, 2007

Just a quick update.

I got an email from Paul this morning, it simply read “I’ve got a cake.”

How sweet, his team had brought in a little buffet, put up balloons, banners and one of the girls baked a cake in the shape of “40”

40 Cake Originally uploaded by Andy2Boyz.

Its actually his 40th on Monday but we’ll be in Spain so they did this today. What a nice day to see us off on holiday 🙂

Happy Returns of the Day

January 12, 2007

I was in the supermarket this lunchtime and annoyed to find only 1 person working on the tills, forcing me to queue :mad: 

Picture the scene…

After queuing at the till, I’m almost to the conveyor when they open another. I’m too far in to pull out and rush to the new line, so I have to stay and wait where I am.

I’m now second in the queue, my shopping is on the conveyor and I’m feeling good.

The couple who are first in the queue start to have their items scanned.

The bleeping stops too quickly. They are’nt a couple, I’m actually third in the queue.

Now I am second in the queue and the till is beeping again, I’m feeling good again.

Enter stage left, a middle aged lady carrying a box, not a large box, think man-size tissues. Lets call her Mrs X.

Mrs X has walked in through the “out” door, she isnt wearing a beret of any colour but I’m still singing that song as I type this 🙂

First in the queue is almost finished, just a large jar of gherkins, assorted tins of fish and some sort of heavy rye bread.

Mrs X catches my eye as she takes up station between and behind the two cash till stations.

I realise that Mrs X is giving me a look, the look says “do you mind if I push in?, I only want to return this item.”

I reply with a look that says “don’t even think about it, I’ve been queuing and its my turn next.”

Its now my turn, the lady in front is moving her trolley. Mrs X must have interpreted my prior look as indifference or even assent to her pushing in.

Sensing the next move, I accelerate my trolley forwards even as Mrs X begins to move towards me.

In this supermarket you position your trolley at the end , putting your shopping back into it as its scanned and then pack your things into bags away from the till.

I give the trolley the required flick to spin it into the required position, neatly cutting off Mrs X’s route to the store assistant.

Mrs X looks at me, giving me a barely perceptible nod of congratulation, clearly acknowledging my skill with a shopping trolley. I wonder at her giving in so easily.

My scanning commences. I’m happy. I decline the offer of “cash-back.”

As I finish up, Mrs X is now being attended to by the second store assistant.

A grin spreads across my face as I see the item being returned. It appeals to the piece of me that also likes to take advantage of return policies*. I (mentally) take my hat off to her, now understanding and recognising her previous easy defeat for what it was. That being a wish to obey the first rule of returns, initially, try to be nice, dont make a scene. The second rule being flirt heavily. Finally, make a scene only if all else fails.

Mrs X is returning “30 indoor/outdoor hanging icicle christmas lights” the box clearly bulging in the middle from having been badly re-packed. 

Store assistant “Do they work?”
Mrs X “Oh yes, I just dont need them so I thought you could take them back”
S.A. “Ok, no problem, I get you a refund”

That is a classy refund patter, that is, no embarassment at all. It made my Christmas returning of 3 posing pouches seem positively amatuerish**.

*Remind me to tell you how I’ve had 3 Steam Irons over the last 5 years and technically not paid for any of them!

** Talk about blush!

Books For Boys and New Toys

January 11, 2007

I’m currently reading flicking back and forth through The Dangerous Book For Boys, what fun! I can now recite some Latin, point to Ursa Major in the sky and tell you that Harold Bluetooth was King of Denmark in 1066.

I’ve also just found out what a pronoun is. I know! At my age 🙂

I’ve also just checked out Amazon and seen that there are half a dozen clones of this book already out there.

Isnt it funny how that happens? A couple of years ago it was The Da-Vinci Code and if you look at the Top 20 even now, you’ll find half the book plots are all hidden codes or religious cover-ups.

Hollywood do this too, someone makes a Pirate movie, a Vampire movie or a Voyage of Discovery and suddenly you’re awash with 1492’s, Cutthroat Island’s and Dracula’s. Dont even mention the Harry Potter books.

This is also paralleled in music, video games and more. Sometimes I wonder how anything original ever gets released. It’s like the whole world is copying the last big thing, waiting until someone decides whats the next big thing.

Back in the day you had to wait for someone to release DOOM to kickstart a new genre, in 2007 I’ve found an alternative. Google. According to the big G, you can find the “Next Best Thing” in just 3 clicks.

They are “a big big printer” , “nanotechnology” , “a natural way to control the corn earworm” and “Mika”

Mark my words, they’re gonna be big!

Sadly, no mention of the new Apple iPhone.

November Spawned A Monster

January 10, 2007

Morrissey in talks for Eurovision

My first thoughts are that another of my teen icons comes crashing down.

As a young teen, I would disappear into my room for hours on end listening to The Smiths, Hatful of Hollow or Meat is Murder. My mum described it as “a dirge.” She used to say “what is he on about?, sufferring little children and heifer whines!”

Of course, as you get to The Queen Is Dead, some of the brighter moments are pure Eurovision. I’m thinking Frankly Mr Shankly, Cemetery Gates or Vicar In A Tutu.

Not to mention all his solo camp-ery over the years, (so I won’t.)

Maybe its not such a crazy idea after all 🙂

Thinking about this, I had a look around the net, and looking here I was amazed to remember that the whole Smiths thing all happened in less than 4 years. If I remember, they had all but split by the time that Strangeways was released. Then all the “Greatest Hits” started being released, you choose if you want to include earlier offerings like Louder Than Bombs and The World Won’t Listen, in that category, I’m not getting into that argument. So technically they have had the same number of albums released after splitting as when they were together. That’s quite an achievement for any band especially when all the band members are still alive!

Even now 20 years later, (OMG 20 years!,) if I put a Smiths song on, I can sing it word for word. How bizzarre is that, I can’t remember the names of of people I worked with 5 years ago but 20year old song lyrics, no problem. And, the memories that Girlfriend In A Coma evoke in me are amazing, especially as they are of a time when I had a girlfriend and a boyfriend. At the same time đź‘ż

Ah, them were the days!

Testing Times

January 9, 2007

I took the car for the MOT yesterday. No problems, it sailed through, as I expected. Paul wasn’t so confident but he has said that every year, I think he expects it to fail so when it passes it’s a bonus.

Anyway, I pulled up at the garage and after taking the car key off my keyring, I used it to lock the glovebox. Obviously I wanted to secure all my precious CD’s. I went inside and handed over the key and was told to return in 45 mins. It was only as I was walking down the road that I realised that DOH! with the key they could open the glovebox 🙄 so why had I locked it?