….. Use chopsticks*
1. First chopstick: hold so that the thickest part is at the base of your thumb and the thinner part is on the lower side of your middle fingertip.
2. Trap the stick in place with your thumb, leaving about 3 inches to extend beyond your fingertip.
3. Hold second chopstick just like a pencil.
4. Keep the bottom chopstick stationary and use your index finger and middle fingers to open and close the top chopstick.
5. Chase food around plate for a bit.
6. Get food nearly in mouth two or three times.
7. Get a lot of food on lap.
8. Swear loudly and dash infernal contraption to floor.
9. Demand fork.
*Shamelessly ripped off from elsewhere on the ‘net, but hey, its how I feel about the chopsticks 🙂